Dining In (Mess Dinner) Précis

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To fully enjoy a mess dinner-(aka as a dining in by purists who insist that spouses do not attend mess dinners) -as well as to avoid embarrassment, it is necessary to know what is expected of those attending - what should be done, what should not be done and what is optional.   It should be pointed out that different regiments and corps have different customs and, like religious zealots, each one is adamant that his is the only way.   Due to the varying backgrounds of our league members, we try to steer a middle course and avoid discomfort or disrespect to anyone.

Dress for Mess Dinners is FORMAL - the order of preference is Mess Dress or Tuxedo (i.e., black tie), DEU with white shirt and black bow tie, or business suits for men, with corresponding attire for the ladies - usually long or mid-length dresses.

Invitations will normally show two times - e.g., 18:30 for 19:00 or 6.30 for 7.00.  This means that attendees should arrive around the first-mentioned time in order that all may be seated and dinner can actually commence at the second time.        

There will usually be a receiving line close to the entrance and attendees should greet the hosts as they pass through.   A bar will usually be open or sometimes sherry will be served.  Drinking of beer at that time is NOT recommended as the dinner will usually go on for at least two hours and leaving the table during dinner is frowned upon. There will usually be a seating plan on display, and diners should consult it to determine their places at the table. If a bugler is present, he or she will play warning calls to advise that entry to the dining room is 10 or five minutes away.  This provides a last chance to avail oneself of toilet privileges before the oncoming marathon.    Drinks should be finished or discarded as, in all but a very few military organizations, it is considered bad form to carry a glass into the dining room.  (It also creates the risk of spilling and, moreover, is illegal in some jurisdictions.)

Customs concerning entry to the dining room vary somewhat; mainly dependent on whether or not the Highland custom of using a piper is followed.   If a piper is present, those attending who are not seated at the head table will be asked by the President of the Mess Committee (PMC) to stand by their places at the table, after which the head table guests will be "piped in" to theirs.   When no piper is used, the military band will play "Roast Beef of Olde England ", at which point the head table guests will move into their places, followed by the remaining diners.   The band will continue playing until all diners are standing at their places at the table.   While waiting for the remainder to arrive, diners should take the opportunity to introduce themselves to their tablemates.

As indicated above, all diners on arriving at the dining table will stand behind their chairs.  The PMC will then ask the padre or other person to say grace, following which the diners will be seated.   Each gentleman will hold out the chair of the lady on his left to help her sit down.  Once they have sat down, all diners should remain seated until the end of the dinner when the head table diners leave, except in case of dire emergency.  (In the case of extremely long dinners or other mitigating factors, the PMC may declare a break prior to that time, or excuse an individual diner, but this is usually unnecessary if there are no after-dinner speeches)  To reiterate, it is considered rude to leave the table for non-urgent or frivolous reasons.   

Shortly after everyone is seated, the PMC will gavel for attention, and then introduce the people at the head table.

If the head table guests have been “piped in”,   the piper may be asked to have a “quaff” with the CO, as a gesture of appreciation.   

If there is a band, music will be played during dinner.  (At this time, the music will NOT be regimental marches as these will be played after the Loyal Toast.)

At the end of each course diners should indicate that they are finished by placing their cutlery across their plates at 5 o'clock , so that the server will know that it is OK to remove the dishes.

Wine and/or water will be available during the meal, but hot beverages will not be served until the end of the meal.    

Smoking at the table nowadays is usually not permitted; at one time it used to be permissible following the Loyal Toast, if the PMC so indicated, and sometimes cigarettes and cigars were passed around along with the liqueurs, but it has never been permitted prior to the Loyal Toast.   

After dessert has been concluded and its dishes removed, all other glasses will be removed except the port glasses. One or more decanters will then be brought to the right hand end of the table(s), after which each diner will fill his glass, then pass the decanter to the person on his left.   Note that while some, particularly those of Air Force experience, will insist that the decanter not touch the table, there are many who don't care and indeed some regiments who show contempt for the idea by banging the decanter on the table.   Considering the lack of uniformity, League practice is to do as you please, but please don't tell others that they are "wrong".    Once your glass is filled, DON'T sip on it until the toast is announced, or you may find yourself with nothing to toast with.     When everyone has a full glass, the PMC will ask the Vice-PMC to propose a toast to the Queen of Canada.  The Vice PMC will then attract the diners' attention by saying "Ladies and Gentlemen" or "Mesdames et Messieurs", at which point all will rise.  When everyone is standing, the VPMC will propose the toast and the band, if  present, will play God Save the Queen, then  all diners will then say "The Queen" or “La Reine” and take a sip of their wine.   Note that it is customary for both official languages to be used at toasts at Canadian Forces dinners, with the PMC using one language and the vice PMC speaking in the other.  Diners may make their own choice in toasting.   Following the Loyal Toast, there may be other toasts, following the same procedure as outlined above.   Once the Loyal Toast has been completed, serving of coffee, liqueurs and cheeses etc may begin.

This is also the time when the band, if present, will start to play  Regimental Marches, in  sequence according to the service, branch or regiment they represent.   Oftentimes these marches will be listed on the menu to help identify them, so please don't let the staff take away your menu along with the dishes. Sometimes the VPMC, Director of Music or other person may announce each march.   It is customary for diners to stand whenever the music for "their" regiment is played.   People will often stand also in respect of former associations or other pleasant memories, and there is nothing wrong with this practice.    Those who know the words which go with their respective marches will often sing along and this is not only acceptable but encouraged.  (Bawdy variations on the theme are NOT favoured!)  Please note that standing refers to the floor, NOT one's chair.

At some time following the toasts, the Director of Music and the Chef will be invited to the head table to have a drink with the Host and the senior honoured guest.   Traditionally  port was served, but over the past several years it has become more common to serve them the drink of their choice.

After the music has concluded and people have finished their drinks, the PMC will consult with the senior diner, after which the head table diners will leave, followed by the others.   Dancing or other entertainment may follow.

 

Kenneth Hickford

22 February 2005